People have affairs for a variety of reasons, and it is difficult to make generalizations as each individual and situation is unique. However, some common reasons why people engage in extramarital relationships include:

  1. Emotional dissatisfaction: People may seek emotional fulfillment outside of their primary relationship if they feel neglected, unfulfilled, or unsatisfied in their current partnership. This can happen if they feel that their emotional needs are not being met or if they feel neglected in their current relationship.

  2. Physical attraction: People may be drawn to someone outside of their relationship due to physical attraction. This can be the result of the “spark” or chemistry that people feel towards one another, or it may be related to differences in personality, lifestyle, or goals.

  3. A search for novelty or excitement: People may be looking for excitement or novelty in their lives and see an affair as a way to break out of the monotony or boredom of their current relationship.

  4. Lack of judgment or impulse control: Sometimes, people may engage in affairs because they are unable to resist temptation or because they make impulsive decisions without considering the consequences. This may be due to a lack of impulse control, or a tendency to act impulsively without thinking about the impact of their actions.

  5. Unresolved conflicts or issues: People may turn to affairs as a way to escape conflicts or issues in their current relationship. For example, they may be avoiding dealing with problems such as communication breakdowns, disagreements over finances or child-rearing, or issues related to trust or intimacy.

  6. Lack of intimacy: People may seek intimacy and affection outside of their relationship if they feel that the physical or emotional intimacy in their current partnership is lacking. This may be due to differences in sexual preferences, a lack of emotional connection, or simply a feeling of distance or disconnection from their partner.

  7. Insecurity: People may engage in affairs as a way to boost their self-esteem or to prove their worth to themselves or others. For example, they may seek the attention and validation of someone outside of their relationship to counteract feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem.

  8. Unmet needs or desires: People may look for an affair as a way to fulfill unmet needs or desires in their life. For example, they may be seeking more excitement, more emotional connection, more novelty, or more intimacy than they are able to find in their current relationship.

  9. Childhood experiences or trauma: People may engage in affairs as a result of unresolved childhood experiences or trauma. For example, they may be seeking the emotional or physical connection that was missing from their childhood, or they may be repeating patterns of behavior that were learned during childhood.

In conclusion, people engage in affairs for a variety of reasons and it is important to understand the unique motivations behind each situation. However, it is often the case that affairs are the result of multiple factors and it can be difficult to determine a single cause. Regardless of the reason, affairs can have a profound impact on individuals and their relationships, and it is important to consider the consequences before making decisions about extramarital relationships.


David qualified as a Medical Doctor (GMC number 2941565) in 1984 from St. Thomas’ hospital, London. He obtained his GP and family planning certification. In 1999 he left medicine to set up docleaf, a leading Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. He has experience as a hypnotherapist and holds a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling from the Centre of Counselling and Psychotherapy Education in London and is currently studying for an advance diploma in executive coaching.

David spends part of his time as an executive coach and running docleaf leadership which works with CEO’s and other C suite leaders in helping them develop and grow.

David has written extensively about limerence, sex and love addiction as well as trauma and PTSD. His interest in romantic relationships led him to set up, a support forum to help those impacted by this debilitating condition.

David is passionate about men’s work and his mission in life is to help people become more conscious by teaching and helping others and continuing his own self-development. He is actively involved in volunteering with the ManKind Project charity which helps men live their lives with more integrity, honesty and taking more personal responsibility.

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