Just over 3 years on I can say that im pretty much over my limerence. whilst my LO may occasionally enter my mind, the thoughts of her are not intrusive, just pleasant memories. I now think “did that really happen to me?” , “did i really feel those insane feelings for a woman i knew nothing about?” “did i really want my SO dead so i could run off with a fantasy figure?”. I do know it wasn’t a dream and yes i really did experience limerence.

I’d say its one of the toughest things i had to deal with – im not sure if it was the limerence per se, or the associated depression and grieving that limerence triggered that i found so painful to work through.

Perhaps my healing was just a question of time until the neuro-chemicals subsided or perhaps it was all the heavy lifting I did to strengthen my ego and loosen the bonds of dependency. Likely a combination of both. When it first kicked off, i never thought it would take the best part of 3 years – the upper limit as suggested by Tenov. Perhaps the time taken to heal is a measure of the dysfunction we grew up with?

And yet despite all the pain, i have no regrets developing limerence. Here are some of the positives that have come out from this:

  • It was one massive wake up call for me to reconnect to my feelings
  • It created a much needed spiritual awakening
  • It forced my SO commit to the MC we had been in when my limerence struck. We’ve learned to communicate far more healthily and authentically
  • Ive healed from my co-dependent traits
  • Im closer to my parents than ever before – time is running out for all of us (it has in a way for my mum with her dementia) and making a trip back to Auschwitz with my dad on the March of the Living in a couple of months is something i thought would never happen – thats another necessary huge part of my healing
  • The experience has made me a more empathetic therapist. Ill never judge anyone that has an affair
  • Its given me a keen interest in relationships and love addiction – something i can take into my clinical practice
  • Its helped me understand objectification and reduce the amount I do when it comes to woman – but im still a man and far from perfect.

I sometimes wonder if i may always be prone to developing attachments too quickly with woman i find attractive and have now learned how to remain boundaried around such triggers. No different i suppose than any other addict around their potion of choice. Time will tell.


David qualified as a Medical Doctor (GMC number 2941565) in 1984 from St. Thomas’ hospital, London. He obtained his GP and family planning certification. In 1999 he left medicine to set up docleaf, a leading Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. He has experience as a hypnotherapist and holds a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling from the Centre of Counselling and Psychotherapy Education in London and is currently studying for an advance diploma in executive coaching.

David spends part of his time as an executive coach and running docleaf leadership which works with CEO’s and other C suite leaders in helping them develop and grow.

David has written extensively about limerence, sex and love addiction as well as trauma and PTSD. His interest in romantic relationships led him to set up www.limerence.net, a support forum to help those impacted by this debilitating condition.

David is passionate about men’s work and his mission in life is to help people become more conscious by teaching and helping others and continuing his own self-development. He is actively involved in volunteering with the ManKind Project charity which helps men live their lives with more integrity, honesty and taking more personal responsibility.

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