My experience of disclosure is it does not release us from the agony, but i like the concept of radical honesty. Trouble is, radical honesty only works well when both sides are conscious of their own shadow so there are no games being played.

Games brings to mind the drama triangle of victim, persecutor and rescuer. Best place is off the triangle. Our LO’s likely being high on the narcissism scale, are adept at game playing.

When i disclosed first time around to LO, 2 weeks into limerence i was so unconscious of my own shadow, my own manipulation and how even at that time i was playing out the rescuer as LO played the victim. 4 years on and after much self development im in a better place I can tell LO from a more conscious place as to how i feel.

I’ve given up playing games – im just telling her how I feel and am not seeking anything in return. As LO still remains pretty unconscious in this area, shes has now switched to the persecutor. As i see the game its easy for me to step off the drama triangle and not to play out the victim.

So there we go, I can now stand and watch LO’s tantrums and this allows me to practice compassion. Sounds simple, when we get it, it is, its just the getting it takes so damn long.

Anyhow, id be interested to read of other experiences of disclosure and how it helped.


David qualified as a Medical Doctor (GMC number 2941565) in 1984 from St. Thomas’ hospital, London. He obtained his GP and family planning certification. In 1999 he left medicine to set up docleaf, a leading Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. He has experience as a hypnotherapist and holds a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling from the Centre of Counselling and Psychotherapy Education in London and is currently studying for an advance diploma in executive coaching.

David spends part of his time as an executive coach and running docleaf leadership which works with CEO’s and other C suite leaders in helping them develop and grow.

David has written extensively about limerence, sex and love addiction as well as trauma and PTSD. His interest in romantic relationships led him to set up, a support forum to help those impacted by this debilitating condition.

David is passionate about men’s work and his mission in life is to help people become more conscious by teaching and helping others and continuing his own self-development. He is actively involved in volunteering with the ManKind Project charity which helps men live their lives with more integrity, honesty and taking more personal responsibility.

Recommended Articles