I Saw my therapist, Stacey today and she was unimpressed with LO’s behaviour

She felt her behaviour was matching my own levels of narcissism

Ive written before and recently about narcissism in our LO’s.

Using generalities, narcissists come in two varieties, the grandiose with inflated egos and those that play the victim with deflated egos.

Narcissistic energy can be so very seductive, i think thats why were drawn to our LO’s. Its so seductive that despite years of therapy and self development I almost got sucked back into LO’s trap with her recent reaching out. Narcissists call this “vacuuming”.

The term has been hijacked by the mainstream to indicate something nasty, manipulative and horrible. We all have narcissistic wounds, some deeper than others. If very deep, it comes out as Narcissistic Personality disorder with full blown acting out. NPD’s rarely enter therapy as they cant see its them, they project out all their blame and never take responsibility. Its just another way to get our emotional needs met.

LO wa was also replaying the anxious/ambivalent tension i had with my own mother. This became apparent to me after she did not reply to my email request. so yet another dynamic at play.

T thinks I also found it hard to let go as it became a battle of narcissistic wills, me wanting to not be beaten by her. This bit was unconscious until she brought it up today. I recognise that competitive aspect of me.

My therapist has helped me see the dynamic at play and suggested I leave LO to her own devices. She plays the victim to get her needs met. If she truly wanted to be a friend, she would have come to a joint session as i asked her to, 18 months ago she would have not been defensive in claiming “she never led me on”.

Limerence has been a wonderful life lesson. Stacey has asked me to write a letter to LO which i will take into therapy and we will ceremonially burn as the final act of letting go.


David qualified as a Medical Doctor (GMC number 2941565) in 1984 from St. Thomas’ hospital, London. He obtained his GP and family planning certification. In 1999 he left medicine to set up docleaf, a leading Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. He has experience as a hypnotherapist and holds a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling from the Centre of Counselling and Psychotherapy Education in London and is currently studying for an advance diploma in executive coaching.

David spends part of his time as an executive coach and running docleaf leadership which works with CEO’s and other C suite leaders in helping them develop and grow.

David has written extensively about limerence, sex and love addiction as well as trauma and PTSD. His interest in romantic relationships led him to set up www.limerence.net, a support forum to help those impacted by this debilitating condition.

David is passionate about men’s work and his mission in life is to help people become more conscious by teaching and helping others and continuing his own self-development. He is actively involved in volunteering with the ManKind Project charity which helps men live their lives with more integrity, honesty and taking more personal responsibility.

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