Limerence experiences are very powerful, they have a huge impact on your life and they can reveal some of your unhealed wounds or unmet needs. Limerence is defined as a state of mind towards a LO (Limerent Object) which includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies to have a relationship with your LO and maintain it. The relationship doesn’t have to be reciprocated (even if a limerent person will fight for it), but if the limerence experience is reciprocated by both, it can create emotional dependence and it will disguise itself in passionate and true love. At that point, your relationship with your LO will feel as you’ve found your Twin Flame.

Anyhow, be careful, because although they both can look similar, but they in fact quite different. The challenge is that once you get hooked on the idea that your LO is your Twin Flame, you lose sight of the bigger picture and what Limerence actually is. You’ll have obsessive feelings and thoughts about your LO and you might start to justify your limerent relationship through the lenses of a Twin Flame one. You’ll feel you know them so well as they were “meant to be”, when in fact you know them so well because unconsciously you studied them very well. You got to the point to understand how they act daily, that you can unconsciously predict how they might react at some point. Idealization fuels limerence and, if you want to get over it, you must start to look at it through the glasses of reality and seeing it for what it is, rather than what it could be.

On the other side, a twin flame is described as someone who reflects your soul, kind of like your other half. When you meet your twin flame, you have a different type of intimacy and connection compared with all the other relationships you’ve had. There is a lot of passion and desire, which can make it very overwhelming. Similar to limerent experiences, Twin Flame relationships will usually begin very fast, but in this case, it will feel natural for both of you.  It will feel as you’ve known each other for a lifetime, even if you just have met them. This is why a twin flame is not only a romantic partner, but they become a friend and a life partner. 

Twin Flame is different from an everyday soulmate. Twin flames are two halves of a whole, while soulmates are simply two souls that have a deep and powerful connection. Meeting your Twin Flame can feel like you’ve met your soul’s twin. Of course, to understand the concept of Twin Flame we need to be a bit more open and go beyond the scientific worldview we are so used to. It requires us to believe in something bigger than ourselves. However, Twin Flame relationships are not necessarily easy. Because your twin flame is a reflection of your soul, sometimes looking at them will be like looking in the mirror, see your darkest anxieties and shadow. Luckily, your twin flame will also compliment you and help you heal and grow.

Why Limerence can be similar to having a twin flame?

When you meet your twin flame you feel that there is a special connection, kind of a spiritual union between the two of you. Here are a few signs that you might have met your twin flame:

  1. You feel it is the right thing – Very soon after you’ve met you feel that things are aligned. Everything feels right (not perfect) and, instead of an emotional roller-coaster of emotions, you feel you are in peace, you feel at home. 
  2. You have a very strong emotional connection – Your connection is very intense and strong; you can’t separate with them (even if you try). You can feel that the bond there is between the two of you can’t be denied. 
  3. You can “read” each other’s minds – Even if you are not physically together you have an intuition about what they are thinking or doing, sometimes even finishing each others’ sentences.
  4. You want to spend a lot of time together –  You have a strong desire to be together away from the world and you are happy with it.

Twin Flame connection has some similarities with limerence. For example, you’ll feel a rapid and intense connection with your Twin Flame, which are similar to the glimmer and the neurochemistry of infatuation that are present in limerence. Moreover, the “strong bond” between Twin Flames, which can’t be broken even if they try to separate, is very similar to the feeling of separation and uncertainty that Limerent experience when they are looking for reciprocation from their LO. If it’s the first time that you experience Limerence, it might be confusing for you to understand if it’s just limerence or if you have met your Twin Flame. 

Limerence can explain some signs of Twin Flames, but there are also some real differences between the two. Twin flames are supposed to recognise each other and feel immediately that there is something truly real between the two of them, something “surreal”. On the other hand, many limerents suffer from the experience of not having their feelings reciprocated by their LO. Limerence can be one-sided and many times it is, while the twin-flame connection can only happen simultaneously. Twin Flame connections are very spiritual and don’t deal with petty concerns, such as jealousy, while for limerence jealousy is one of the main emotions that limerents have when they feel that their LO doesn’t share the same feelings towards them and flirts with others. Also, remember that limerence doesn’t last a lifetime, usually between 3 and 36 months; so, a limerent person might feel that they met their twin flame, yet when this “flame” disappears in a few months, so does their love. This is why the twin flame concept is a threat for those who don’t have much experience with limerence or little understanding of it.

If you want to heal from limerence you have to first understand what are the unmet needs that you have and that are met by your LO. How can you help yourself meet these repressed needs? You can start by focusing on treating yourself better and improving first the relationship you have with yourself. Once you have this self-awareness you’ll be able to control and influence your environment as well.


David qualified as a Medical Doctor (GMC number 2941565) in 1984 from St. Thomas’ hospital, London. He obtained his GP and family planning certification. In 1999 he left medicine to set up docleaf, a leading Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. He has experience as a hypnotherapist and holds a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling from the Centre of Counselling and Psychotherapy Education in London and is currently studying for an advance diploma in executive coaching.

David spends part of his time as an executive coach and running docleaf leadership which works with CEO’s and other C suite leaders in helping them develop and grow.

David has written extensively about limerence, sex and love addiction as well as trauma and PTSD. His interest in romantic relationships led him to set up, a support forum to help those impacted by this debilitating condition.

David is passionate about men’s work and his mission in life is to help people become more conscious by teaching and helping others and continuing his own self-development. He is actively involved in volunteering with the ManKind Project charity which helps men live their lives with more integrity, honesty and taking more personal responsibility.

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